Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
