Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
