That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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