Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
