I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
