If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
this hospital has no fireball
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
