apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
