We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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