and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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