She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
