so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she peed on how many people?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
