Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
