I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This house was built for laser tag.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
