I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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