I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Be still, my beating vagina.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
