i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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