I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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