if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
