You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
