I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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