She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
