This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
