careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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