So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You are a genius and a whore.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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