evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
