like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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