I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
