And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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