Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
