you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
