New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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