Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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