u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
