so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
