What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
