Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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