If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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