Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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