I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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