My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
