she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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