If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
