i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Randomize
