You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
