i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
