Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
