I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
