I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
