i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
