I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
