and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize