If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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