I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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