I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
