She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
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My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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