Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
