If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
