I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
