His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
