i wish my penis had a tongue
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
