we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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